The Cost of Coping: What Happens When Leaders Adapt Instead of Heal

We talk a lot about adaptability like it’s always a good thing. And yes—being adaptable is a strength. It’s helped many of us survive systems, workplaces, and circumstances we never should have had to endure in the first place.

But here’s the truth:You can adapt to dysfunction just as easily as you can adapt to growth.Without awareness, adaptability becomes a slow compromise—one ache, one sacrifice, one silent resignation at a time.

This hit me recently while walking through the marketplace over the weekend. I noticed how many people were hobbling. Limping. Moving slowly. Not in an occasional, “I worked out too hard” kind of way—but in a way that revealed chronic pain. Knees. Joints. Backs. Inflammation. Obesity. Exhaustion.

We don’t talk about it much, but you can see it everywhere:We are learning to live in pain. And not just physical pain—but emotional, mental, spiritual, and societal.

I’m not judging it. I’ve been there too.

For years, I dealt with chronic knee inflammation. And instead of truly addressing it, I adapted.I shifted how I walked. Sat. Moved. Avoided activities I loved. I learned to function through the pain—but I was losing my quality of life in the process.

Now I’m in what I call the “infinite game” of becoming a healthier version of myself. And even now, if I don’t stay intentional—if I don’t move, stretch, nourish my body—the pain returns. It reminds me: this body, this life, requires maintenance. And it requires conscious choice.

Adaptability is a case of choosing your pain.

The pain of maintenance, or the pain of breakdown. The pain of discipline, or the pain of regret. The pain of growth, or the pain of decay.

What Does This Have to Do With Leadership?

Everything.

Leadership—real leadership—starts with self-leadership. And in the same way we learn to live in physical pain, we often learn to live in:

• Broken systems

• Toxic work environments

• Disconnected relationships

• Stress that never stops

• Burnout we normalize

• Values we slowly abandon

We adapt. We survive. We get used to the discomfort. And then we call it life.

The thing is - what you tolerate, you teach. And if you're a leader, what you adapt to, you normalize for others.

That’s why awareness matters. That’s why intentional living matters. That’s why adaptability without discernment isn’t a strength—it’s a trap.

Adaptability isn’t just about bouncing back. It’s about being clear about what you’re bouncing back into—and why.

Ask yourself:

• What have I adapted to that’s actually hurting me?

• What pain have I normalized that’s trying to get my attention?

• What kind of leader am I becoming in the name of survival?

The goal isn't to be unbreakable.The goal is to be awake.

Because you deserve more than just making it through the pain.You deserve to heal.